Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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