just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I am mentally ready for anal.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
