I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
