Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
