Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
