Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
