dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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