We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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