Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
