Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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