dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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