i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
