i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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