I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
