god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize