well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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