im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
