if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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