I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
