It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
