ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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