I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I wear drunk well.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
