i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
