can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
