my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
