Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize