Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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