If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
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