I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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