Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
