I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
