shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
