It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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