i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
