You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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