this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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