everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
