Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you will always have a special place in my vag
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
