It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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