so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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