I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
