Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
