Who did Billy Mays play for?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Randomize
