I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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