i just had sex bonerless
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
