I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
