i dont even know how to be here
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
