he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
