O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
