Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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