I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
