dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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