dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
