i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
