no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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