I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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