to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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