Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I am puke
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm too high and old for this...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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