there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
