Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
