I met the friendliest cop last night
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
