This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
