I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
