Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
