this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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