im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
