I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
