Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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