Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
