Plan B is the new Plan A
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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