how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
