you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
