1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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