Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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