i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?