the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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