Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.