I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
