your room smells of hookers.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water