Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.

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(248): The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out. http://tfl.nu/flyw

Replies (2) Good night (772) Bad night (1329)
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(925): View more from California

You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain

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(925): You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain http://tfl.nu/anwf

Replies (16) Good night (2805) Bad night (885)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism

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(724): yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism http://tfl.nu/kj7t

Replies (28) Good night (4582) Bad night (710)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.

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(202): God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now. http://tfl.nu/vtz7

Replies (20) Good night (2868) Bad night (1220)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?

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(978): one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket? http://tfl.nu/emia

Replies (10) Good night (3998) Bad night (555)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.

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(215): Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire. http://tfl.nu/xwgk

Replies (43) Good night (7015) Bad night (1144)
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(308): View more from Nebraska

i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .

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(308): i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj . http://tfl.nu/vtaw

Replies (17) Good night (8331) Bad night (1321)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.

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(201): I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it. http://tfl.nu/v1ti

Replies (9) Good night (1130) Bad night (3095)
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(714): View more from California

the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.

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(714): the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead. http://tfl.nu/2k13

Replies (7) Good night (2015) Bad night (699)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.

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(609): I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art. http://tfl.nu/g5lr

Replies (14) Good night (2364) Bad night (883)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA

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(413): They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA http://tfl.nu/xggi

Replies (3) Good night (1184) Bad night (589)
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(831): View more from California

I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.

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(831): I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger. http://tfl.nu/whys

Replies (7) Good night (1271) Bad night (710)
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(850): View more from Florida

Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.

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(850): Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win. http://tfl.nu/9m9y

Replies (1) Good night (844) Bad night (373)
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(773): View more from Illinois

You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.

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(773): You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms. http://tfl.nu/8prv

Replies (4) Good night (997) Bad night (460)
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(303): View more from Colorado

So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.

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(303): So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities. http://tfl.nu/dlp3

Replies (2) Good night (565) Bad night (380)

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