How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
