Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK http://tfl.nu/niip
  Replies (2) Good night (800) Bad night (876)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper. http://tfl.nu/vs2k
  Replies (12) Good night (858) Bad night (3205)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are. http://tfl.nu/ve28
  Replies (34) Good night (5578) Bad night (833)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control http://tfl.nu/pmnn
  Replies (19) Good night (772) Bad night (2466)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris http://tfl.nu/nmbr
  Replies (43) Good night (8983) Bad night (1373)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom? http://tfl.nu/cirg
  Replies (72) Good night (18386) Bad night (2865)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls. http://tfl.nu/83jv
  Replies (16) Good night (6538) Bad night (1163)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed http://tfl.nu/1ryb
  Replies (4) Good night (1508) Bad night (959)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes. http://tfl.nu/m034
  Replies (3) Good night (1888) Bad night (820)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident? http://tfl.nu/46ya
  Replies (16) Good night (3334) Bad night (2164)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog http://tfl.nu/iwbb
  Replies (5) Good night (780) Bad night (2182)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center http://tfl.nu/qm46
  Replies (7) Good night (1237) Bad night (566)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me. http://tfl.nu/o8pj
  Replies (1) Good night (751) Bad night (422)
• Favorite

  (682): View more from Texas

  I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (682): I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life. http://tfl.nu/x9h1
  Replies (10) Good night (1091) Bad night (519)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn. http://tfl.nu/rnnm
  Replies (3) Good night (581) Bad night (375)

Randomize