if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"