Texts From Last Night

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  (702): View more from Nevada

  yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.

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  (702): yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark. http://tfl.nu/ahfc
  Replies (12) Good night (2117) Bad night (580)
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  (315): View more from New York

  I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.

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  (315): I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before. http://tfl.nu/hqeq
  Replies (23) Good night (4654) Bad night (655)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.

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  (732): I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell. http://tfl.nu/ou94
  Replies (33) Good night (1505) Bad night (7791)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.

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  (425): Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange. http://tfl.nu/6ccw
  Replies (19) Good night (1355) Bad night (5549)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.

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  (609): Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life. http://tfl.nu/eqwc
  Replies (34) Good night (1715) Bad night (4101)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.

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  (409): The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens. http://tfl.nu/kai5
  Replies (44) Good night (3814) Bad night (1042)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.

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  (870): Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good. http://tfl.nu/i8bn
  Replies (3) Good night (2372) Bad night (669)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table

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  (603): therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table http://tfl.nu/r83g
  Replies (3) Good night (1598) Bad night (1294)
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  (310): View more from California

  So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.

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  (310): So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1. http://tfl.nu/ef5h
  Replies (8) Good night (1233) Bad night (556)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now

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  (724): Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now http://tfl.nu/jdhz
  Replies (8) Good night (1010) Bad night (592)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I'm two sheets to the sexual wind

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  (859): I'm two sheets to the sexual wind http://tfl.nu/hwsp
  Replies (6) Good night (1157) Bad night (554)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.

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  (218): Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off. http://tfl.nu/vd2r
  Replies (7) Good night (1165) Bad night (601)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward

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  (414): btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward http://tfl.nu/opuz
  Replies (3) Good night (572) Bad night (332)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.

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  (631): Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down. http://tfl.nu/giqk
  Replies (5) Good night (759) Bad night (337)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you

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  (612): You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you http://tfl.nu/5q64
  Replies (0) Good night (305) Bad night (188)

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