I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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