We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
