he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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