I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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