like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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