Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
dude i'm inner monologue high
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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